Vse.

Vse bi dala za en objem. Za dve besedi, ki mi ju je včasih taka rada šepetala na ušesa. Vse bi dala. 

Vse bi dala za obujene ukradene poljube na ulicah starega mestnega jedra. Za topel stisk njene dlani pod zvezdnatim nebom. Vse bi dala.  

Vse bi dala za najini srci, sklenjeni v objemu zaupanja in nežnosti. Za ogenj v njenih očeh, ki mi je sporočal, da njena duša gori le zame. Vse bi dala.

Vse bi dala za večer na njenem balkonu, prežet s spomini na včeraj, hvaležnostjo za danes in načrti za jutri. Za njen nasmeh, ki je razsvetlil moje telo do zadnjega atoma predanosti. Vse bi dala.

Vse bi dala za eno noč pobarvano z njenimi vzdihi. Za najini telesi oviti v sestavljanko , ki je končno našla svoj izgubljeni del. Vse bi dala.

Vse bi dala za vonj njenih las v poletnem večeru. Za njeno sloko figuro, ki se privija k meni v hladu zimskega večera med štirimi stenami. Vse bi dala.

Vse bi dala, da v tej zgodbi ne bi nastopali midve, temveč dve drugi izgubljeni duši, ki sta zašli s poti sreče in se vrtita v začaranem krogu žalosti. Vse bi dala.

Vse sem dala.  In vse bi dala, da bi lahko dala še več.

The Day I Lost My Yesterday Because Of My Tomorrow

I was clinging onto my yesterday for a long time. I was hanging from the edge on my hands only,  till my nails start to bleed. Drops of blood were falling towards my heart, that was beating in a sad rhytm of lost moments. The second the drops reached the very center of my heart, they turned into tears of happiness. Salty and sweet at the same time. 

The today's beating of the heart suddenly started to say goodbye to all of the yesterday's heartbeats. It hugged them, kissed their warm cheeks and wished them all the best. Heartbeats waved goodbye and started their journey towards another heart in need. They will keep yesterday's heart in the nicest memory possible and look back at it with a smile on their faces.

Today is the day I lost my Yesterday Because of my Tomorrow. But the Love stayed with me. And it always will...

Absence of Silence

The more I think, the more I change the way I see things. What is the purpose of this never ending cycle of redefining my wishes, desires, needs and ideals? Why things don't just stay the same, letting us settle in the comfort of the known and safe environment we were building for some time? I am tired of changes. I am tired of reinventing my prospects, digging out new visions and rebuilding who I am. I want things to be eternal, simple and peaceful. I don't want to worry about tomorrow, I don't want to dwell on yesterday, I simply want to enjoy today. I, I, I ...  I don't want to use the word 'I' so much. I am tired of it. I don't want to be tired anymore. I ... Sometimes I am so lost I don't even know what I want anymore. I am looking for a peace of mind, a moment of silence, when there will be no thoughts rumbling across my mind. That would be nice. Actually that would be beyond perfect.

I don't want to think right now, but I can't stop writing down the words running through my mind, even though with every written word I loose an atom of myself. I want to take some serious time off, lay in the grass, smell the flowers around me, observe the dancing clouds on a clear blue sky, play with the shadow following me everywhere I go. I urge for the peace of mind so much, the peace started to scare me. I am worried, because I carry this growing feeling  inside of me. The feeling that is telling me that absence of silence leads to absence of sanity. 

But at the end, who is sane these days...

Extremely Close Incredibly Loud

If people could see behind and beyond every bad decision they make, would they still choose the same path? Would they still destroy, kill, humiliate and ruin destinies of people, they do not even know? Would they think twice before pulling the trigger, lighting the match, signing the paper? If people could feel the pain of the souls surrounding them, would they still look away pretending it is none of their business? Would they still ignore the pleadings of the lost ones, screams from the edge of sanity and crying of the broken spirits? If every spoken word would come right back to you, would you still always say it before thinking it over twice? If every wound you caused to someone else would be killing you slowly too, would you still walk over someone' dream, burn their hopes and stomp dance on the tears of the ones weaker than yourself?  If every time someone gives up on their life, the world would get smaller, would you still pretend your problems are bigger than empathy? If every lost childhood would take away few years from your life would you still decline the shelter of your arms to a person that only needs a hug and a comforting embrace of warm words? If you would finally realize, that every thing you do affects every one you know almost the same as the ones you have never met ... Would you still use the word ME more often than the word YOU? Realize it. Realize that US is much more powerful than I and suddenly the world will start to spin in the right direction. Because even though our lives seem light years apart, we are all extremely close and incredibly loud.

Besame Mucho

A touch and all it's hidden shades of gray ... The Touch and all the screaming facts beneath it. So simple, yet such intense gift of deliberate affection or accidental flash of hidden desires. Skin on skin, like soul on soul, floating around the world of unspoken words. Unconditional symphony of instincts covered with sanity, the primal need of closeness and disability to ignore the heartbeat of most inner sympathies. Touch. Me. You. Breathing me in, so I can breathe you out - the everlasting game of everlasting life. Touch me. Because I am you and you are me. Because the night is so cold without it. Because I was born in your eye pupil and died in your tear. Besame. Besame mucho.

The Beauty Of Imaginary Recession

I just love the beauty of imaginary recession. The broken pride and shattered dreams of each and everyone of us. I love how we are afraid of tomorrow and in denial about yesterday. Imaginary Recession is a blessing. It is the opportunity for us to grow and fight for what we really want. I want to embrace the scared little girl inside of me and show her the way to the right path. I was born a dreamer, I still am and will remain one. Anything I dreamed about ten years ago, I now have. And I am certain that ten years from now I will live surrounded by everything I am dreaming about now. It's the power of my own thoughts and wishes, my devoted work and beautiful people I share my life with. I just love the beauty of imaginary recession. I love the rejections and humiliations that are thrown into my face on daily basis and push me back to where I once started so I can pick myself up and arise from the dust just like Phoenix did. I need to learn to be strong and not let them kill the child in me. It's the most precious thing I posses. And it must survive. Especially in times like the ones we are facing now. Imaginary recession is fragile like one's dreams are. Is as strong as our fears are. Don't fear anything. You are above it all. Once we start believing that again we will win it. We will kill imaginary recession. Break it into millions of invisible pieces that will be as harmless as snowflakes falling from invisible clouds. So, let's love the imaginary recession. Let's dream, not because there is nothing else left for us to do, but because we are worth the best. It's time for us to take what we want. Not ask for it. Take it. Thank you beautiful imaginary recession. Soon you will be nothing more but a beautiful memory of much needed time of awakening.