Absence of Silence

The more I think, the more I change the way I see things. What is the purpose of this never ending cycle of redefining my wishes, desires, needs and ideals? Why things don't just stay the same, letting us settle in the comfort of the known and safe environment we were building for some time? I am tired of changes. I am tired of reinventing my prospects, digging out new visions and rebuilding who I am. I want things to be eternal, simple and peaceful. I don't want to worry about tomorrow, I don't want to dwell on yesterday, I simply want to enjoy today. I, I, I ...  I don't want to use the word 'I' so much. I am tired of it. I don't want to be tired anymore. I ... Sometimes I am so lost I don't even know what I want anymore. I am looking for a peace of mind, a moment of silence, when there will be no thoughts rumbling across my mind. That would be nice. Actually that would be beyond perfect.

I don't want to think right now, but I can't stop writing down the words running through my mind, even though with every written word I loose an atom of myself. I want to take some serious time off, lay in the grass, smell the flowers around me, observe the dancing clouds on a clear blue sky, play with the shadow following me everywhere I go. I urge for the peace of mind so much, the peace started to scare me. I am worried, because I carry this growing feeling  inside of me. The feeling that is telling me that absence of silence leads to absence of sanity. 

But at the end, who is sane these days...