My Latest Obsession ...

ponedeljek, 15. december 2008

Poslanstvo

In potem pride dan, ko sem se pripravljena zopet usesti za računalnik in pustiti prstom, da z muko prevedejo moje misli na papir. Ne. Na ekran ... Pač, prekletstvo 21. stoletja. Računalnik is a must. Hate to admit but I am one of the computer junkies. In prav nobene želje ne čutim po tem, da bi se ozdravila te odvisnosti. Pač. Srečni odvisnik... Anyways, spet sem zašla. S poti. S steze, ki pelje do mojega trenutnega razpoloženja. Tudi v realnosti zadnje čase večkrat skrenem. Kar tako. Ker lahko. Ker mi paše. Ker mi je na trenutke vseeno.

In potem zavijam na poti, kjer še nisem bila. Brez pomislekov in obžalovanj. In srečujem. Ljudi in prikazni. Z večino se prav lepo ujamemo. Kako tudi ne, ko pa smo skupaj ujeti v tej farsi zadnjih mesecev. Smejemo se. A le zato, da bi drug drugega prepričali, da smo v redu. Da nam nič ne manjka in da verjamemo v to, da je vse za nekaj dobro. Igramo. Prepričljivo? Verjetno ne. A komu mar. Pač smo. Živimo.

In potem ju srečam. Ne le enkrat. Dvakrat. In se zdrznem. In bežim, a mi ne uspe. Vedno me najdeta. In potem jokam. Ker vidim, da trpita. In meni ni vseeno. Kar naenkrat mi ni vseeno. Zakaj? Ker vem, da v tem trenutku ne morem pomagati sebi, a zato lahko njima.

In potem se zavem. Svojega poslanstva. Jaz sem tista. Ki pride, pokaže, reši in gre. Kdaj? Ko me potrebujejo. Ko se jim zdi, da se morajo sprijazniti s tem kar imajo, čeprav jih to ne osrečuje. I come and I show them. That they deserve better. And that they are strong enough to change their lifes. Because they deserve it. Because they have huge things waiting for them just around the corner. They just need to take one step towards it. And when they do it ... my work is done. I move on ... knowing this is my mission and hoping one day I will be saved too ...

8 komentarjev:

Callisto Satu pravi ...

u should work muche better on us two :D ...

love you... u'll be saved... i know... and i am right...

kiss*

storyteller pravi ...

Hvala ti. Kot bi ta post napisala zame. Samo včasih je tako prekleto težko zaviti za tisti vogal :(
But in the end we all will be saved. I have to belive it! No, I know it! Hugs*

Shia JeZeBel pravi ...

@ callisto: I am doing my best :-) but as I said many times before, you are a difficult case :-)
@ storyteller: mislim, da je skrajni čas, da greva na kuhano vino :-) Če ne zaradi drugega, zato da ti pokažem, kako zaviješ za tisti vogal:-) It's really easy once you do it! Hugs*

storyteller pravi ...

Shia, jst sem za! :) Kontaktiraj me na mail, če ga še imaš. Če ne, povej, pa se ti javim jst :)

Laura pravi ...

computer junkie...i missed you...pa ne zato, ker tebe dolgo ne bi bilo..mene ni bilo :)

hja...naše poslanstvo...mislim, moje poslanstvo...nekoč večna uganka, danes pa ne več...namreč vem, kakšno je :D

Lilith pravi ...

Shia draga, you will have to save yourself to be saved. Saving others is just a lesson that teaches best. And it sucks sometimes. Give them faith in themselves, mend their broken wings, and let them soar free, while hoping for their return. Most don't.

Mend your own wing, free your spirit even more, take to flight, soar through thin air, drunk on thin air and the closeness of stars.

Some will try to follow you, fly your path, be like you. But their trapped spirit will try to hold yours close, clutching you to their own bars. You might want to mend their wings to, but with time you realise their wings are bound with fear, and fear can only be mended if it's confronted. Some never are.
Then it's up to you to choose wether to hope and try and try again, or choose to fly again.

And sometimes, on a precious occasion, someone chooses to fly a path that resembles yours, or at least keeps your paths crossing, at least for a while. And on the way your heart might mend, some scars migth stop burning, some new ones might appear.
And in the end, flying solo or not, you are richer for all the experiences you've gone throuh, all the spirits you've met, friends, lovers, teachers, pupils, they all become a part of you.
Wether they are stones in your heart or add lift to your flight is up to you, though.


Yet you, Shia, I've always regarded as a young phoenix.
In begining you may have thought yourself a trapped robin, then you found a nice bird with pretty feathers and experienced, yet hurt eyes, and you opened eachothers wings for a while.
It's hard to fly while clutching to eachother too tightly though, and you crashed and burnt.

And rose from the ashes, a wonderful, dazzling phoenix with beautiful, more experienced and hurt soul glimpsing out through the dark eyes. Spread your wings in another direction, trying to fly with someone again.

And you hurt again. And you will rise again. Each time there might be another scar hiding beneath those beautiful golden feathers over your heart, the feather on the tips of your wings might be a bit ruffled and burnt, but the wings grow larger and stronger, and the tail longer, all of which will help you fly higher, faster, sharper, more freely.
You will be someone others aspire to be, showing those afraid of spreading their wings how wonderful it could be. You already are that, and you will be it even more so as time passes, and experiences accumulate.
just enjoy the flight, and wink at the stars when the air around you grows thin.

storyteller pravi ...

Lilith, hvala ti! Solze mi polzijo po licu, vendar je na moji duši lažje breme.

Shia JeZeBel pravi ...

@ lilith: my dear petra ... you truly are an amazing soul and I am so thankful for the chance to be a part of your life. your words made me smile, cry, scream, breathe deep and nodd my head like crazy at the same time. thank you, from the bottom of my fragile heart ...