I Wish

Sometimes we are just trying too much, to make people believe, that we are fine ... I guess if we are telling ourselves that everything will be fine, eventually we start to believe it...

So, should I feel guilty if I have no more tears to cry and I just wish I wouldn't miss you anymore? I am only a very fragile human, that through years became an expert in this show called life. I want to believe, that one day I will wake up and you won't be the first thing that will cross my mind. I can't wait for the day, when I can let our love rest in peace... I hope I reach that before I get completely numb. Because then suddenly both of us would be zombies. At least I can still save myself. Sad. That is the word. Sad beyond control. Sometimes the dishes life serves us are just inedible ... I wish I could simply puke all of my emotions out and move on. This time for good.

Prvič

Predolgo nisem pisala. Nikoli se v meni ni porajalo toliko čustev, da jih ne bi mogla zliti na papir. Že dolgo se nisem nečesa tako bala, da me je bilo strah o tem govoriti naglas. Predolgo sem čakala in pustila, da se je strah v meni sprevrgel v brezup in neizmerno žalost. Prvič nisem verjela v to, da mi pisanje lahko pomaga. Prvič sem dvomila v to, da je zdravo, moje stanje deliti z vami. Prvič po 8 letih sem se zopet zaprla vase. I don't like it ... It's breaking my wings. So I forced myself back. Priznam, krhka sem. Priznam, da me življenje s svojimi presenečenji še lahko vrže iz tira. Priznam, da je del mene izginil. Priznam, da sem bila 'all the way to hell and back'. But I am ready for paradise again. V četrtek letim v samo srž svoje bolečine. In močno upam, da se ne bom zlomila. Because it's not a good time for that. Prvič se v raj odpravljam s tesnobo v vsaki celici mojega telesa. Upam, da tudi zadnjič.

p.s. Be strong moro mou. You are not alone. Gia Panta remember?

I let go ... I sit still

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never yours anyway.”

Don't run around chasing the butterflies ... Sit still and they will come to you and sit on your shoulder ...